What is my responsibility as an artist?

I had a dream the other night that several people I know and love were killed and I woke up with a heavy heart. The videos I’ve been watching of the genocides in Gaza, Sudan and Congo have started to seep into my nightmares. Thankfully, they are over when my alarm goes off but for so many they never get this relief. For them it is just horror scene after horror scene. It's incomprehensible and all the more reason to make space for joy. But how are we supposed to let ourselves feel joy and take up space as when our fellow humans are being subjected to such atrocities? How do we hold these two things at once? And what is the social responsibility as an artist in all this?

Flag demonstration for Palestinian Land Day March 30th. 32000 Palestinian Flags representing the 32000 Palestinians killed in Gaza, by Israel since October 7th 2023

Before you start speed reading to get to the end of this article I’ll preface that I don't have the answer. I’ve been asking myself so many questions though.  I’ve struggled with polarity my whole life when it comes to so many aspects of my very being. You’d think I’d be used to this feeling by now it by now. Yet still, the familiar inner conflict is bubbling inside and sometimes it seems like a battle to give myself permission to be happy while also taking action. What I do know is that we have to fight for our happiness now more than ever. 

I’ve been plagued by guilt like so many right now, wanting to use my creative super powers for good and trying to find my place as a creative. On Hannah Gadspys comedy show “Gender Agenda”, comedian DeAnne Smith spoke to the awkwardness of taking up space as an artist when there are so many important things that need our attention right now. They said  “I feel crushed by the responsibility of having a microphone at this moment in history. Anything less than calling for global revolution feels a bit self-indulgent". They couldn’t have said it better.  I try to remember that making art and learning to support people through expressive arts therapy is a valid and important reason to take up space. But every day, as the genocide in Palestine continues and the world continues to devastate and disappoint, I have to reason with myself before I hit send or post on anything I share and I know I am not alone in this. 

I feel a pull to make political art that moves people into action or soothes but I’m stumped as to how to find the courage to start? I’ve seen some really beautiful actions and I’m inspired by seeing other artists use their platforms to raise awareness and make statements. I feel compelled to do the same. But I’m afraid of getting it wrong, of somehow messing up and things are moving and changing so fast that it seems easier and  more effective to share other peoples posts. I operate under the share from the scar not the wound mentality and find it really difficult to share my feelings about anything when I’m still moving through them. My processor is not fast enough to turn them into shareable art but I am trying to speed it up.

Rubble Installation at Vancouver Art Gallery on Nakba day May 15th and May 18th. A tribute to those killed under Gaza’s rubble.

How can we stay fully committed to fighting for the liberation of the oppressed and fighting for our inner peace at the same time? I know that it is definitely not by staying silent. 

Some steps I have taken are following and liking and sharing work from other artists who are able to make powerful interpretations encouraging others to move into action and raising awareness. I’ve made some banners and attended protests. I’m sending emails and signing petitions and trying to stay on top of the divestment and boycotting. I’ve been doing my own “self care”, making collages of emotional landscapes, trying to articulate what I’m feeling. I’m writing essays and poetry, having conversations, attending community events and trying to stay informed. It somehow still never feels like enough.

When I came out ten years ago there, was a period of about 6 months where I listened to Macklemore’s “Same Love” through my headphones on repeat while something shifted inside me until the lyrics and dreamy hopes of self acceptance helped propel me forward and face my own sexuality. His release of “Hinds Hall''  a couple of weeks ago made me weep. In 2.49 minutes he calls out so much unacceptable behavior from the US government in aiding Israel's murderous crimes and vows to donate all proceeds to URWNA to provide humanitarian relief to the remaining survivors of Israel’s genocide against Gaza when so many celebrities are staying silent. Although obviously on a much smaller scale, the release of the song made me want to use my platforms as a creator too to move further into action. Anyway, that's what I’m sitting with right now. There is no real conclusion to this blog post. I have some new art that feels unrelated to activism but I know is still related to liberation and I haven’t shared it because I feels blocked by the messy, unrefined, unresolved feelings about how to make art that promotes change. They don’t know where to go and I want to move past this fear of getting things wrong. So I thought I might start by naming it and go from there.