Hair story
January 2024 Braids again
When I tell people that I braid my hair because braids hold magical powers, they tend to look at me skeptically. But I know its true so I tend to just say I fancied a change instead.
It’s been six months since the big head shave and in celebration, I added some braided extensions to my hair. Right away I felt weird being a long-haired gal again. I knew I would. I’m familiar with switching it up and experiencing temporary dysmorphia when I see myself in the mirror and I knew it would pass. Because it is so short now, it took a really long time and the process was challenging. Luckily, I’ve got skills! And I’m grateful to have been able to sit with myself through the hair braiding ritual.
I didn’t know what would happen when I shaved my head or how I would feel about it and it has been a wild ride. At first I loved it. I felt so sexy and my confidence sky rocketed. When something is hard but you feel complelled to do it, It feels incredible to push past the nervousness and doubt and do it anyway. I couldn’t stop looking at myself in the mirror. I felt like an unstoppable badass!
I loved that I was more queer presenting. But also felt super feminine. Confused at first, I noticed women’s’ eyes linger just a few seconds longer than usual and suddenly I was invisible to a lot of men. This amused me and then upset me, and then I was annoyed with myself for being upset over it, and then I got used to it and enjoyed it. I started wearing less make up, instead just turning up everywhere with a smile and felt like there was so much power in just using on my face to represent me rather than relying on my hairstyle to do do it for me. I always thought short haired girls were cool. And I found a new level of self respect when I began embracing my short hair too.
September 2023 Blonde Era
When the weather started to get cooler I was confused about how to dress. My hair had grown a few inches at this stage and I bleached it blonde and then darkened it and I shaved the sides too and I was enjoying the experimentation but boy, was I having a hard time choosing what to wear throughout all the changes. I didn’t like my dresses and skirts anymore, I felt like dressing more masculine but didn’t really have any mens’ clothes. The only things that felt right were dungarees and jump suits and summer was easy because I didn’t have to wear much, but now winter was fast approaching and I would have to find some sort of solution. I went shopping. I like to browse the thrift stores and I picked up a few silk shirts which I love but I got it into my head that I should go to the mall and as soon as I got there I felt very stressed. I wasn’t really connecting with the womens clothes, they felt so girly, the mens’ section was more appealing but the sizing and shapes were not deigned for my body. I left with a white t-shirt and a pair of socks and all of a suddenly I had a new appreciation for why some non binary friends hated shopping so much. I mean, I’ve never liked it but being unable to find the in between clothing was frustrating.
I stopped being asked for ID and had some ugly days for sure. I would miss my long hair and look at old photos of myself and wonder how that girl existed just a few months ago and feel a little bit sad. But for the most part, I was rolling with the changes.
It turns out, when you cut your hair, all of a sudden people begin asking you what your pronouns are. That was new. I’ve been dipping my toe into they/them territory and asking myself questions about my gender expression and becoming more and more curious about non-binary expressions and experiences. This wasn’t exclusively sparked by my haircut but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t have an influence. I’ve been perceived in so many different ways according to how I present and I feel as though I am experiencing the world from many different selves and I feel connected to the use of they/them in this sense. I don’t want to disrespect the trans and NB community or misappropriate those pronouns, if that is even a thing but at the same time, it makes sense to me that we are all fluid beings and sometimes I feel different depending on what shows up from day to day. Its exciting to allow myself to explore this.
It was useful to braid my long hair when it was big for practical reasons but this time around, it was merely experimental. Going from short to long overnight has been strange. Not bad, necessarily but strange. I had a lot of admiration for myself as a short haired gal but I feel incredibly powerful with braids too. I braid my hair when I need a confidence boost or to activate my mojo and it tends to work every time.
It is also somewhat challenging to my sense of self but I realize that pushing through that initial discomfort and knowing I can pull off multiple looks only strengthens my self-esteem. Sure, it is just hair but it is also symbolic and transformative in so many ways. Taking myself through all these different expressions is just one of the ways in which I have been coming to peace with all of this duality within me that I once thought was a defect and allowing opposites to peacefully co-exist in me has been one of the most liberating and freeing things I could do for myself. I feel so honoured to be able to offer hair braiding and to witness others go on this journey too. I love my black hair and I love the versatility. My favourite thing in the world is the realization that I don’t have to choose an either/or - I can do both! I don’t need to rely on my hair to show up as me but it sure is fun to play around with it!
Want to book an appointment to have your own hair braided? Message me for a free consultation.
