“I Desire” is visual representation of some of the feelings I have around physical touch; this confusingly fine line between the desire to be touched and feeling bad for giving in to it. It was born from the discomfort I have experienced my whole life of being sexualized and then shamed for it and has been integral in my healing process. This painting I created kept changing for me. One moment I would see caressing, the next I would see coveting. At times I saw care, and other times exploitation.

In an attempt to reconcile the reality that touch can be both harmful and healing, I’ve been investigating my relationship with touch. Although it is one of my main love languages, I’ve been harboring a lot of negative connotations around physical touch. I was so conditioned to believe that touch is for sexual relationships only. As a result, I had so many limitations around it. But now, I am beginning to reclaim my body and the right to explore the beauty of touch in healthy, communicative, consensual ways that can be sexual but also don’t have to be, making efforts to listen more to my heart and differentiate between what I want and what society has told me I should want. I’m giving myself permission to seek pleasure and express love in a way that works for me and dreaming of a culture where we can express our desire for touch without judgement or shame.